Jane Seymour Has Got to be Stopped

I’m feeling a little fired up this morning. Sweat a little more than usual this morning on the elliptical, even pushed around a couple weights. And I’ve been sitting on this blog entry for a few weeks since they started this horrendous advertising campaign. So pardon my official Valentine’s Day rant.

I dislike the holiday. It isn’t real. It’s made up, and apparently we have the British to blame for it. I don’t think I enjoy anything from England, and challenge you to come up with one thing that you enjoy. Right now I’m thinking it’ll have to be James Bond, and he’s a fictional character.
Having never traveled to Europe, I’ll have to wait to make an official decision on my dislike, but right now this isn’t a good start for the place. Then we’ve got this jerk from Massachusetts, Esther Howland, who copied the British and was responsible for turning Valentine’s day into the circus that it is today. Wipe the surprise off my face that this holiday was started by a teenage girl… Just shocking.

Please forgo gifts and cards and flowers (it is a recession after all) and do something original instead if you are so inclined. But even if you lack originality, and want to purchase something for that special someone, I implore you NOT TO MAKE THIS YOUR PURCHASE.

I like Jane Seymour. (She’s even from England!) Even though her real name isn’t Jane Seymour, it’s Joyce Penelope Wilhelmina Frankenberg. She was Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman, and is pretty good looking for a lady almost 60. She was even pretty funny in Wedding Crashers. Yet the fact that she talked Kay Jewelers into letting her make this ugly piece of metal and pawn it off as jewelery is insulting. What’s even more insulting is that they are pumping the commercial nonstop on ESPN, which means that every time I turn on the TV I’m staring at Jane, her paint brush, and her stupid tacky looking piece of gold.

This necklace sucks. So does the idea of keeping your heart open so you can give and receive love. Medically this is a dangerous idea, and I’m worried that some idiot who still thinks she’s Dr. Quinn might do something irrational.

In conclusion, if you’ve purchased any type of jewelery that is part of the Open Heart family of Jewelry from Kay, please do yourself a favor and return it. And don’t even get me started on those Jared commercials…

One Response to “Jane Seymour Has Got to be Stopped”

  1. haha.

    this is pretty funny, just the other day i was saying that it looked like a nutsack.

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